Grief and Loss…the individual journey
We ask ourselves how can anyone possibly understand what I am going through? The truth is that they really cannot understand as your loss or grief is only yours. Perhaps if they have gone through a similar thing then of course there is some understanding. The grief and loss journey is individual with no definition or explanation, it just is.
When my marriage broke down and I made the decision to leave, even though I had made the decision this was a very traumatic time. I experienced the loss of a lifetime of marriage, the grief process was long and double jointed as I witnessed the extreme grief of my husband and my children. I also felt this grief, it was raw emotion. I couldn’t understand how I could possibly ever be happy whilst everyone else was so unhappy. This process took a very long time and I chose to go back to my marriage and this happened twice. I was more concerned about how everyone else was feeling, all the while experiencing so much emotion myself. Eventually I got there but it took 6 years! Even though I have been through the marriage grief and loss process and now feel free of guilt and in control and happy I still feel the loss of my marriage and all that goes with that…..family, love, security, companionship. This was my journey.
The sudden loss of my Mum was a totally different grief and loss. I was in shock and it took 6 months to even really accept that she was gone. Then I was so terribly sad for a very long time. I could not stop missing her. I didn’t ever feel angry like some people do, I just missed her and I still miss her so very much but I have now accepted and feel at peace to a degree. It never goes away but time is certainly a healer, though I still have tear running down my face whilst I write this.
Losing my brother to terminal brain cancer over a period of 12 months was another grief and loss experience that is very difficult. It was very hard to accept and this time I was angry, and worried and sad and helpless. My brother was 56yrs old and went through what I would not wish on anyone for a whole year before he passed away. I think I have struggled the most with this as it took such a long time and then to also see and feel what my sister in law has gone through with losing her life long partner.
What I have learned is that we are strong, no matter what we get through it even when we think we can’t. Our experience, feelings and journey is our very own but try and accept the support and love from your friends and family. They want to understand even if they just can’t. As time passes we are able to accept more and more.
Whether your loss is related to a relationship, job, a pet, a family member or loved one or any other form try to just let yourself feel and express emotion and accept support and love wherever you can and trust that you will be ok. xoxo